ONE DESPERATE TURN

Sometimes in June last year (2011), I was sure it was an obvious aftermath of the cake consumed during and after the wedding ceremony of my elder brother that took place the previous day. After struggling successfully to ensure I did not defecate inside the commercial transport that brought me into the city of Ile-Ife from Lagos from where I purchased a brand new core i3 Dell laptop for a client and determined to deliver it the same day. On arrival in town, I jumped on the next available motorcycle, mouthing the destination as I did so.

I decided to cheat nature and my body the more by attempting to complete the laptop transaction first. We had barely gone half way when nature came calling again, this time it was not negotiable! I practically ordered the bike man to manoeuvre his way off the main road to the nearest available bushy environment (since I was aware of the fact that nearly all filling stations in the vicinity had no facility for such services!). That singular action later cost me my phone and eventually parting with 2,500 Naira only! how manage? you ask… keep reading!

Unknown to me but known to the driver, I was taken into a location which was notorious for gang banging and several other vices. Fortunately for me, as we packed near an uncompleted building with bushy surroundings, a very heavy rain started. I wasted no time in locating a spot to release the warring forces waiting desperately to be dispelled within my belly. That done, I sought for shelter in a nearby house with about 2 elderly men seated outside under the shed.

The rain subsided within few minutes of seeking shelter and off we left for the initial destination. I was about checking out something in my phone after about 15minutes of arriving at the clients’ residence when I discovered my dear phone was missing. I sat back to recalculate and meditate before concluding that it must have gone missing somewhere between the defecation and shelter point.

Further meditation revealed that the bike man greeted someone in front of my clients’ residence and the greeting was quite formal. I instantly alerted my client and he immediately accompanied me to his neighbours shop to confirm the identity of the bike man. Fortunately, the bike man happened to be the younger brother of my clients neighbour!

The bike man was instantly contacted and he returned in about 10minutes to take me back to the suspected location. En route the place, I was given a brief lecture on the peculiarities of the same location. There was not enough time to begin placing blames on someone for intentionally delivering my precious life into dangerous alleys. I searched my defecation point thoroughly and as expected, discovered nothing. The next port of call was where we took shelter for the rain.

On getting there, we met no one and after several calls on whoever was around, a middle aged woman dressed in only her wrappers, came out to address us in a prepared speech! Without much ado, we were asked what (not who) we wanted and subsequently told outrightly that no one saw anything and that even if anyone did, it would have been sold off by then.

I new immediately that she knew something and was only fronted as a preamble because I could faintly hear voices emanating from within the same house communicating in hushed tones.

I instantly took action by telling her that I am a newly posted police officer who intentionally came to the environment to verify some of the news I heard about the vicinity…. It worked! She went pale immediately and not knowing what else she might do that might give her away, she retreated into the house and a middle aged man – probably in his late thirties – came out as though in a relay race with the lady entering. He came frowning and shouting at the same time claiming to let Hades and Sheol lose at the same time if we do not immediately vacate his house. We left.

By the next day, the same man eventually sent a message to my fiancé who had earlier sent sms to my number that whoever found it should call her. He requested that the owner comes with evidence to claim the phone with a good amount of money for “appreciation”.

I returned to the same house with the same bike man only to meet the same man who was yet to release hell in its entirety. He argued that the phone was brought by one of the area boys who claimed to have picked it in front of his house and was actually about going to sell it. He also claimed to have “settled” the boys with the sum of 1,500 so as to recover the phone.

I took a good look at the man, his house – within which he cramped about 2 wives or more and several children – and all that he stood for. I concluded he is most definitely another tout who succeeded in raising a family from available call girls and makes a living from “owo orita” (extortion).

I decided to give him the 1,500 Naira requested plus an additional amount. He sheepishly accepted the sum and profusely pleaded that i do not take it up with him legally – as a Police officer!

The morale… whenever you are in a dilemma, always take time to think deeply and act rather than cry and curse without result.

Where there is a WILL, there is definitely a WAY!